The Enterprise Crew and the Sorting Hat
by hermione-of-vulcan
Summary: Originally titled "Data, Geordi, Worf, and the Sorting Hat", but now the rest of the crew is Sorted. Each person has a bit of each house in them. Standard disclaimers apply.
1. Chapter 1

_Crusher, Beverly_

The hat settled on top of Beverly Crusher's thick red hair. It was unusual for her to be first—well, technically since the captain had been Sorted as a child, he'd been first—but she was the first for everyone else. Alphabetical order…

"Hm…a doctor, with all the intelligence and caring required…no real desire to advance beyond your current position…interesting, considering you held a more advanced job for a year…"

Beverly hoped nobody else was hearing it.

"…loyalty to the captain, a good heart and a desire to help, yes, very…HUFFLEPUFF!

_Crusher, Wesley_

Wesley eagerly put the hat on his head. He hoped it would confirm everything he thought about himself.

To his surprise, it laughed.

"Another Crusher…though _very _different. Similar intelligence, but you have an urge to prove that intelligence to the wider world. A fine ambition, considering that mind…but you aren't particularly brave, so you'd need encouragement to do it."

Wesley's ego started to deflate.

"In addition, you tend to be rude to those you believe are wrong, even if they are in authority."

Wesley's ego deflated like a popped balloon.

"So, not Gryffindor or Hufflepuff, which leaves Ravenclaw and Slytherin. Slytherin would be good, for all of your ambition and resourcefulness. Yes, I think Slytherin would help you on the way to greatness. Better be-"

"Not Slytherin!" Wesley cried.

"Well if you object to it…ah, perhaps you are not clever enough anyway…better be…RAVENCLAW!

_Data_

Data put on the hat. It flinched as it settled on top of Data's slicked back hair, but it spoke anyway.

"Well well, never read a mind like this…almost definitely a Ravenclaw, but what's this? Intense loyalty to your friends, captain, and ship, a clear Hufflepuff quality. You also seem willing to sacrifice yourself for the sake of these things, very Gryffindor of you. You can also be quite cunning if necessary, and becoming human is surely a high ambition-"

"Do not put me in Slytherin." Data said firmly.

"Well, then, your best fit is…RAVENCLAW!"

_LaForge, Geordi_

Geordi placed the hat on his head. It slid down over his VISOR.

"Hmmm." Said the sorting hat. "I'm sensing…loyalty. I have a feeling I'll get that a lot with a starship crew."

"You have a feeling? You're a hat!" Geordi said.

"You have a mechanical man for a friend, I wouldn't talk. Now where was I? Ah yes…analytical mind, good problem-solving skills, very Ravenclaw. Resourceful, but not enough ambition for Slytherin."

"Don't put me in Slytherin, I've heard bad things about that house."

"I really wasn't considering it, I know you want to be…RAVENCLAW!"


	2. Chapter 2

_Riker, William_

Will Riker knew he must look a bit strange in the ratty black wizard's hat, but he let it work its magic.

"…average intelligence, though a fair amount above average in cleverness—a gambler, no?—and good at bluffing, I see…somewhat Slytherin. But you have bravery, and loyalty to your captain (expected of course), and you would willingly go into danger for him, effectively eliminating Slytherin-"

"Phew," Riker said.

"—because Slytherins tend to be selfish. Too strong and bold for Hufflepuff—though you have a good heart—so…GRYFFINDOR!"

_Picard, Jean-Luc_

Eleven-year-old Jean-Luc Picard eyed the hat with distaste. He'd expected something more flashy and interesting, something more obviously magical for a magic school.

But, ever curious, he put it on, and was not disappointed.

"Oh, let's see…lots of potential here…you're eager, striving towards the future—oh! You have an ambition!"

"Starfleet," Jean-Luc said, feeling strange talking to a hat.

"Very Slytherin, that single-minded drive is. But personal advancement is not all—also a brave desire to explore the unknown, a keen, Ravenclaw mind, and a Hufflepuff's loyalty to moral ideals you feel Starfleet exemplifies. Such a strange combination…too much, ah, fire for Hufflepuff, too much bravery and daring for Ravenclaw, too much thoughtfulness for Gryffindor. That leaves Slytherin, but I've already said your ambition is not pure ambition…hm…Gryffindor has had intelligent members, better be…GRYFFINDOR!"

_Troi, Deanna_

If hats could leap, the Sorting Hat would have leapt off of Deanna Troi's head.

"I do the probing around here!" the hat snapped, the first time it had.

"Sorry," Deanna said, raising her mental shields.

"No, leave your mind open!" the hat said irritably.

Deanna adjusted her mind again. "Ah, that's better…hm…intelligence and compassion…a desire to be heard and understood, but not to be heard more than others…so not much ambition. Brave, when the situation calls for it, but not daring enough for Gryffindor. Intelligent, but your true strength is your compassion and empathy, so…HUFFLEPUFF!

_Worf_

Worf glared at the hat, but put it on anyway.

"You don't want to do this, only your strong loyalty to your fellow crew members motivated you to put me on. That's a Hufflepuff trait, but the rest of your disposition is not very Hufflepuff. Very brave and daring, very Gryffindor, but a fair amount of guile and ambition, both Slytherin qualities. Yes, I do think you would be best for-"

"Slytherin has no honor." Worf growled.

"F-fine then, though you'd do well in Slytherin, better be…GRYFFINDOR!"

**A/N Picard's Sorting is as a child because of my other fanfic "Picard in the Wand Shop" that implies that he's a wizard from birth. I honestly don't have an explanation for why the others were sorted (except for Data, see "Data in the Wand Shop").**


End file.
